FEEDBACK REQUEST: Another day another blurb

Posted by on May 14, 2009 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I got some great feedback when I was working on blurbs the other day and I want to again thank everyone that commented. It was a huge help to me!

I'm working on another blurb today for a story that's going to be in an anthology as well as released as a stand-alone, so it needs to be good enough to actually get people to buy it for its own appeal.

It's for VENUS ENVY. Here's what I've got so far:

Sancus, Roman God of Loyalty and Honesty, snubs an advance from Venus. Irate, the Goddess of Love convinces Cupid to cast a curse on Sancus. As a result, Sancus is unable to perform with women, but finds himself attracted to every hot guy he meets. In fact, he can't say no. There's only one way to end the curse, but it's up to Sancus to untangle the finely-woven threads and discover it's actually a love spell.
 

 

In this version, the love interest is mentioned:

Sancus, Roman God of Loyalty and Honesty, snubs an advance from Venus. Irate, the Goddess of Love convinces Cupid to cast a curse on Sancus. As a result, Sancus is unable to perform with women, but finds himself attracted to every hot guy he meets. In fact, he can't say no. During a week of almost non-stop arousal and sex Sancus meets Aurelio, a mortal that he actually likes enough to see again, but he's afraid until the curse is lifted he needs to stay away or risk ruining the chance of something more. There's only one way to end the curse, but it's up to Sancus to untangle the finely-woven threads and discover it's actually a love spell.

 How does it sound? Too long, too short? Poorly worded?

Here's a slightly different version that just mentions a mortal, not saying if male or female:

Sancus, Roman God of Loyalty and Honesty, snubs an advance from Venus. Irate, the Goddess of Love convinces Cupid to cast a curse on Sancus. As a result, Sancus is unable to perform with women, but finds himself attracted to every hot guy he meets. In fact, he can't say no. During a week of almost non-stop arousal and sex Sancus meets a mortal that he actually likes enough to see again, but he's afraid until the curse is lifted he needs to stay away or risk ruining the chance of something more. There's only one way to end the curse, but it's up to Sancus to untangle the finely-woven threads and discover it's actually a love spell.

 

Any suggestions gratefully accepted!

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