Purple-prose romances started the trend with quivering manhood and throbbing need and many many other forgettable phrases. Recently, gay and m/m fiction has made it okay to call a cock a cock. But there are still plenty of those ridiculous phrases kicking around–in our memories or in books that don’t take the risk of showing us what goes on behind those closed doors. Thankfully in our books, just about nothing happens behind closed doors. In fact it rarely even happens in bedrooms, and that’s exactly the way we like it!

Please leave a comment with your own entries and feel free to comment on the ones other people mention. I’ll attempt to edit this post keep up with the comments, but if we get too many it might not be possible. Later this week we’ll have a vote on the hottest and the most cringe-worthy phrases.

[WIN: Everyone who comments will be entered to win a copy of “A Heat.Seeking.Missile.” by EM Lynley. Yup, I went there. ]

I’ll start off with one of my (least) favorites, baloney pony.  I hope never to see it used in a book or I’ll stop reading immediately. But on its own, it’s pretty damn funny.

My favorite word to use is “cock.” Probably no surprise given the title of this event! I’ve always liked the word–how it sounds, how it feels to say it. In fact, when I moved back to the US from London after grad school, my best friend organized my going-away party at a pub called The Cock. Now, it’s not quite as bad as it sounds…the pub across the street was called The Hen & Chicks. But I still liked the idea of how dirty the name seems on its own!

Click “MORE” to see the list!

The list: baloney pony, disco stick,  Purple-headed womb ferret, One-eyed cockatiel, Man axe, Man sword, Manroot, purple-helmeted warrior, one-eyed wonder-worm, distended organ (urg… sounds like a stomach problem), glistening man-tool, tootsie roll, man-meat, man-muscle, jizz-pump, boy parts, marriage tackle (my favorite, actually), trouser snake (hee hee–still brings out my 13 year old virgin), THING, dumb stick (still use that one), schwing thing, boner, woody, flag pole…

[Leave a comment on this post for a chance to win an e-book version of Bethany Brown & Ashlyn Kane’s new novel Wild Angels]

I’m sort of new to this whole “getting paid to write about hot men having sex with each other” thing, but it’s pretty much the coolest job in the world. Well, getting paid to watch would actually be pretty awesome too, but anyway. I love my job, but sometimes—don’t tell anyone—I have problems writing The Sex.

As pretentious as it is to say it, as authors, we’ve got a duty to the story that we’re telling to tell it right, not to sugarcoat it, to give the characters a fair shake (tee hee). But as writers of erotic romance, well, let’s just say we’ve got a responsibility to the readers, as well, and readers like a steamy sex scene. At least, that’s my experience as a reader!

That’s where the conflict comes in. On the one hand, my duty to the story and characters says I gotta tell it like it is. On the other hand, as a reader and people-pleaser (pun fully intended), I want to write marathon sex scenes, dagnabbit! So when the characters are nervous, or inexperienced, or tired, or lazy, or, say, a little over-stimulated, what’s a girl to do?

It’s my job to satisfy the reader, not the characters’. Of course, that leads to a different problem—as they say, diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks. I know that for myself, as a reader, while I do love the fantasy sex—going for hours, unlimited erections, Tyrannosaurus Pricks and liters of bodily fluids (ok, maybe not that last one)—there’s a point where I take a step back and say, ‘Really? It was that big? Yeah, right.’ Not to mention that I’ve read more than a few titles that I felt were more about the sex than about the characters, and as much as I love me some hot man-on-man action, I do actually usually read for the plot! So what the readers want isn’t always different from what the characters need.

But where is the line? Is there even one? How can I weigh artistic integrity against my implicit promise to get the reader off? It should be no contest, right? The author’s first duty—which totally trumps ‘job’ on the obligation scale—is to the story. Of course, we can’t be authors if people don’t like our work, and everyone knows we’re feedback whores.

So speaking of—I gotta know. What’s too much fantasy for you guys to swallow?

Ashlyn Kane is a geeky 24-year-old with a sweet tooth and a sharp tongue. You can buy her work, including Wild Angels, the newest collaboration with Bethany Brown, from Dreamspinner Press here.

UPDATED Nov 12:

I’m waiting to hear back from the authors on all of the prizes and will be posting here as I get the names.

I’ll post the winner of each day’s prize here. To give a sporting chance, I won’t choose a winner until the day after the post originally goes up. There will also be random winners selected from everyone who has commented on any Cocktoberfest post. More comments = more chances to win!

You have until Nov 15 to contact me at blog@ emlynley.com with your email address so I can send your prize. Do not leave your email address in this post for your own privacy.

Click “more” to see if you’re a winner!

Winner #1 TLC 101 by Janey Chapel: Molly Church

Winner #2 Vulnerable by Amy Lane:  Inara

Winner #3 Any item from Zoe Nichols’ backlist — Chris Muldoon

Winner #4 A Heat.Seeking. Missile by EM Lynley: London Hopes (random winner chosen from Cock Talk post)

Winner #5 Disguises by EM Lynley: Jaxx Steele

Winner #6 A Heat.Seeking. Missile by EM Lynley:  Rhonda S ( random winner from Cock Talk)

Winner #7 Personal ficlet by Mina Kelly/Classic Cock — Amy Lane

Winner #8 Laid by AJ Llewellyn (I never get tired of writing that) — KathyK

Winner #9 $10 Dreamspinner Gift Certificate from Jon Treadway/Supernatural Sex — mistry89

Winner #10 Sex, Lies & Wedding Bells by EM Lynley — SiennaC

Winner #11 The Strongest Shape by Tessa Cardenas — Ann S

WInner #12 Choice of Ethan Day’s books –– Carole L

Winner #13 Cassandra Gold book — Carol L

Winner #14 Papy Knows Best by Jaxx Steele — Ryan Field

Find out what happens when the demon, Adormorn, visits a fallen angel named Nephi.

He came to Nephi in dreams, all scorching fire, and sizzling touches. Nephi twisted under the sheets, beads of sweat popping out all over his muscular body. Instinctively rolling onto his back gave room for his wings to burst forth. White as freshly fallen snow, they stretched wider than his Queen sized bed. Nephi’s plumage flapped ineffectually in the thick air of his bedroom.

He shivered, feeling a molten touch trace down his spine. He felt like his body was contained in a sleeve, a gossamer blanket of racing sensation he couldn’t throw off. Eyes still shut; Nephi threw back a head full of midnight tresses, the long column of his throat exposed. A hand circled his throat, resting firmly beneath his chin. The hot tip of a tongue danced from the corner of his mouth up to his ear and plunged inside.

“The fallen are always so sweet,” the voice crooned, the silken darkness making Nephi quake right down to his soul. This was temptation, this was damnation, and this was why he had fallen.

“Adormorn!” The name was wrung from him as silken heat tightened around both his nipples.

“Fuck yes.” The demon chuckled. “Pleasure is beautiful on you angel.”

Gritting his teeth, Nephi tried to fight the hold the demon had on him, but even his slumbering mind knew he was at his weakest when he was asleep. All his writhing served to do was rub his swollen cock against the bedding. Nephi gasped and cried out.

A warm calloused hand slid over the powerful definition of one flawless shoulder, over his chest, just missing the suckling mouth at his nipple, and down to the sweet curve of his quivering belly.

Nephi tried to lift his arms to grab the hand, though he knew it was useless. The hand was as real as fairy dust, as tangible as the notion of retrieving his honor back. Closing his eyes and bracing for the inevitable, it was a startled cry that pierced the night, as his cock was engulfed in sucking heat.

On instinct his entire body surged forward, balls threatening to spill their load as wet licks landed on the plum shaped head. He only just managed to hold off.

“Oh, that was close,” Adormorn observed with a soft chuckle. His fingertips stroked the cleft in Nephi’s chin. “Such iron will, beautiful one, but won’t you come for me?”

Nephi snarled, though it was ruined by a flinch, as the soft mouth surged down his cock, gobbling him to the root. “Fuck you!” Surprise. He’d learned a lot since his stay in the human world. Cursing was the least of his worries.

“Only if you come first.” The voice deepened, dropping into a smooth marmalade splendor that seeped into his skin, and battered at his defenses. “Offer me your innocence Nephi. I promise you it is safe in my keeping.” Wasn’t it just like a demon to whisper promises, to plead, and cajole until it destroyed him completely. Hadn’t the temptation of Adormorn’s body, unholy beautiful creature that he was, been what felled Nephi in the first place?

No, he wouldn’t defeat him again. Conniving Bastard. Hadn’t he grown wise to Adormorn’s tricks? Nephi shut his mind off to the demon, refusing to listen to what he had to say. He tried to center himself in calm, to shut down the needs and demands of his own body, reciting the Ten Commandments in his head. The fierce need to come, slowly unwound from his balls.

The demon chuckled. “Oh, no, Nephi. Come back to me.” Two tongues skated over his perineum and sac, attacking the nerve rich area with enthusiasm. The heat burst upon him anew, and when one tongue flickered dangerously close to the virgin, tightly clenched hole of his anus, Nephi knew he couldn’t contain it any longer.

Breath coming fast and heavy, it was all he could do to bite back a whimper. Gah, it was too much…too much.

The demon’s cajoling words poured back in his ears, the tender promises and wicked words causing his balls to pulse. “Give me your sweet cum beautiful one. Allow me to taste your essence. Spurt for me, and allow me to swallow your seed. You should see that pretty cock of yours, so hard…” A tongue passed over the head, flicked against his weeping slit. “pulsing with your need to come.” Two rhythmic sucks made Nephi cry out. Holding back actually hurt now, burned with a sweet insistent ache.

The demon’s tongue lapped over his lips, as if he was seeking to drink in his cry. He tried to turn his head, but the hand around his throat insisted. His lips were kissed—almost tenderly—his nose and eyes were met with soft lips.

Lies.

All lies to weaken his resolve.

Every muscle in Nephi’s body strained with effort, quivered like an arrow strung tightly in a bow.

Lips nibbled at his swollen balls, his hips rocked instinctively, urging the scorching tongues to pay them homage.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

The demon moaned as if he knew, as if the orgasm was not Nephi’s but his own.

“Oh, God!” The cum roared from his balls in a sweet blistering ache. Nephi’s eyes flew open as the first gush left his virgin slit, and his blue gaze clashed with familiar black orbs flecked with gold. Adormorn’s beautiful face stared back at him, real, cohesive. In his bed.

Nephi’s mouth had fallen open, a soundless, guttural cry whispering through the air as the greedy mouth around his cock pulled, sucking the seed out of him. Once, twice… endless.

Adormorn groaned, his black eyes flashed with pleasure and satisfaction.

Bastard.

It was Nephi’s last thought as darkness clouded his mind and swept him under; the pleasure releasing him at last.

Sage Whistler’s Blog

On deck we still have Sage Whistler, Ashlyn Kane,  my “Dicks in Flicks: Male Nudity in Film” and a cocktastic picspam that ALL goes under a cut. Promise! So don’t lie back thinking it’s all over

Also, be sure to check out the latest comments in COCK TALK for more of those phrases you hope never to hear a guy say to you!

Ah – Cocktoberfest.  The images the word inspired in my mind upon first seeing it.  There in lies a bit of the problem.  I mean – I practically fell all over myself when it came to agreeing to participating in the festivities.  However, I should be completely honest now and fess up to the fact I initially thought Cocktoberfest was something else altogether.  It was only natural, considering my understanding of the root word, Oktoberfest, which I’d understood to be some sort of wine tasting for beer drinkers.  Keeping that in mind, I naturally assumed the word Cocktoberfest – well, would involve the tasting of a wide variety of different…um…let’s just say it gave meaning to one of my favorite lines from the Bogie/Bacall classic, To Have and Have Not.  You know the line – ‘You just put your lips together and…blow.”  Since I was indeed incorrect on that score, we’ll just move on, shall we?

Despite my initial disappointment on discovering there wasn’t going to be an official cock tasting – it has wound up being a particularly titillating week here at EM’s.  There have been several times I’ve felt like lighting up upon finishing a visit, only to remember I no longer smoke and will therefore never be having another post-coital puff.  Guess that means I need to think of something else to stick in my mouth. : )

I’ve learned several new things this week.  For one I was totally shocked to discover that Supernatural Sex referenced a more mystical or mythical meaning.  All these years I’d thought it was Super Natural Sex – or sex you had while sober.   I was relieved to recall that despite being incorrect as to the true meaning, I hadn’t missed out on having it.  That rather large, muscled guy I’d picked up that night, way back in the late nineties, was quite strong.  Thank goodness for hairy men!  While I don’t recall a particularly unique smell, he did seem to have a bit of a sniffing fetish going on.  My very own wolf-man?  Who knew I’d been such a were-queen?

There was that slightly uncomfortable moment when I became a little confused, wondering how we’d allowed such a major faux pas.  A blog post about older men and another about classic cock?  Holy double booking, Batman!    Awkward!   Fortunately, they turned out to be different topics after all, not to mention great blog posts, and all was well in the world of Cocktopia.

Another new lesson for me was James’s post on being Pegged, which is something I’ve never been.  I have been pinned on many occasions, and though there was nothing sparkly involved in my experiences – there was plenty of lube.  I’m somewhat envious of the Pegger’s out there when I think back over my past.  I mean, seriously…how convenient to be able to select-a-size based upon your own personal comfort level as opposed to the crap-shoot of dealing with whatever you wound up bringing home with you on a Saturday night.

I must admit to also now being desperate to meet AJ’s father.  He sounds so sassy!  I love him already!  My father’s penchant for naming our pets after traditional Native American words combined with Doorber, the name of the street I grew up on, has unfortunately left me with a truly heinous porn name.  I was fascinated by the behind-the-scenes goings-on of AJ’s porn shoot.  I’d always imagined it to be like Melrose Place with lots of jizz.  And I have a feeling it probably would be if it were me going to the set with my porn star boyfriend.  I just know I’d be listening intently to every moan, groan, grunt and thrust as I tried to dissect whether or not my BF was enjoying himself more than he did when he was doing it with me.  I’m just fucked in the head that way. : )
While I’ve personally never been too into the whole S&M scene — I’m not being judgie!  I wig out if my shoes are too tight.  I just can’t imagine being bound up.  It sends me into panic-sweats, people!

I do however love a good Vamp story.  While I have yet to read the books, I wasn’t very impressed by the Twilight movie.  For me it didn’t have anything to do with the glittery Vamps, which while seeming a bit out there – I have always had a fondness for shiny objects.  I just felt like the character development wasn’t there in the film.  I am over the moon about the Vampire Diary’s and True Blood, though.  I do live in constant fear that the market will become overly flooded by blood suckers and insight a backlash, causing these shows to disappear.  (That’s part of the reason I haven’t read any of the books.  I’ll at least be able to still get my fix when it happens.)

It will be devastating either way.  Losing the V-Diaries would be bad enough.  I’m not sure my sanity could handle the cancelation of True Blood.  (Crosses fingers, rubs lucky horseshoe, & tosses salt over shoulder)  I’d tune in at this point just to listen to Stephen Moyer as Vampire Bill say the name Sookie.  There’s just something about the way he says it.  I think I come a little in my pants every time he does.  It’s just fucking hot!  I can’t seem to hear it enough, and it’s gotten to the point that I curse my parents whenever I hear it for not having had the foresight to realize they should have named me Sookie!

I hope everyone else has enjoyed Cocktoberfest as much as I have!
Much Love
Ethan
Be sure to leave a comment for your chance to win a copy of your choice of any one of my books!

My Website

The Addiction to Fiction Blog

I love Halloween, and I love looking at pictures of sexy guys.  What better way to combine those two than by doing a Halloween-themed eye candy post?  Best of all, eye candy has zero calories!

All the men featured in this post have played sexy vampires on TV.

David Boreanaz, aka Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel)

*Warning: Some images on page two might not be work safe… 

Now, I never planned to have to deal with this at all. After all, it’s enough of a struggle to write sex between two people. Why on earth would I want to add more? But my characters wanted to add more. They weren’t satisfied with just one boyfriend and suddenly I had to find out how three or more people could have sex.

Sex with three people isn’t just an issue of writing more names and less pronouns. No, it’s also a matter of positions, space, and of course, making sure everyone gets off in the end.

Now I’ll be honest. One of the first things I did to research my novel was watch a plethora of porn. Porn with three guys. Porn with four guys. Even porn with five guys. And I watched it all with a careful eye—research purposes only of course. I watched to see where the actors seemed to struggle and tried to figure out how much non-professionals could do.

Of course, we all know that what works in porn doesn’t all work in real life. So while it’s a fantastic visual, it’s not the end of the line in research. After failing to find informative articles online, I turned to my friends. Not everyone is lucky enough to have four friends who’ve ventured to have threesomes and foursomes, so I’ll share all of the knowledge I gathered.

It shouldn’t be a shock to find out that sex with multiple partners isn’t just about lining up on a bed and going at it. For one thing, you need at least a queen-size bed for three 6 foot men to sleep comfortably. If you want them to do more than sleep, it really does help to have a king available. After that, you have to get creative if you want everyone to get off.

I previously said that it’s not just about lining up. While that might be an option, three-way doggie style might not fit so well on the bed, and two people thrusting at once can get awkward when the thrusts aren’t timed well and cocks start slipping out. If you really want everyone to get off, it’s often better to mix it up. Let guy A get off with a blowjob while he’s being fucked by guy B and then let both of them suck off guy C together. Handjobs, blowjobs, and fucking in any combination can work.

I have to say I’ve never thought so much about the sex aspect of a story before this. Usually, I just let it all play out as it goes along, but for threesome or foursome sex scenes I find myself blocking out each sex scene before I can even start!

But even with the extra research, (which I can’t say I mind all the time) I’ve enjoyed my explorations into writing and reading polyamorous sex. Now I’d love to see what y’all think about it.

Have you read polyamorous sex before? Do like reading stories with it? Does the sex appeal to you more or the relationship?

Comment on this post for a chance to win an ebook version of The Strongest Shape. The book will be released November 6th with all the threesome sex you could want in one novel!

Contact Tessa on Livejournal or Twitter.

OK, so here’s the thing.  I really want to believe in werewolves, vampires and shifters in general.  Only the sexy ones, not the bad ones, unless they really have a good heart and can be changed by love.   I mean, think about it!

Werewolves are cool because they can shift between men and wolves.  When they turn into big, furry wolves, they are gorgeous, love to romp and are incredibly strong.  Most wolves are on the lookout for their mate, who they’ll know immediately because of their unique smell, targeted specifically at them.  Plus there’s the sexy, commanding Alpha who really has a heart of gold, and is an amazing leader with sensitivity and wisdom beyond his years.  When wolves shift back into men, they’ve got beautiful musculature, are in incredible shape because of all the running they do, and are usually well-hung both as man and wolf.  What’s not to like?

Werewolves became so popular that other supernatural shifters were introduced — panthers, lions, cougars, tigers, bears, coyotes, horses… the list goes on.  Some hang in packs, like the large cats, and some are lone animals needing to be loved, like bears.  These shifters have some of the same characteristics as the wolves:  Alphas and Betas, sculpted muscles, long lives, the search for their life mate, and being well-hung.

Then there are the vampires.  They are turned or born, and then stop aging at the peak of their development so that they’re always sexy, beautiful with long hair, glowing eyes, and the thirst for blood which will provide his lover with a stupendous orgasm.  Best of all, they want to find their one lover with whom they can spend eternity.  They’re incredibly strong, have supernatural powers, oh, and they’re usually well-hung, which goes along with the deep experience they’ve acquired learning to make love over the centuries.

You’re probably getting the theme here.  It seems that supernatural beings have one characteristic in common — the incredibly long, thick, beautiful cock, with the heavy, hanging balls.  Hairy or smooth, short or long, thick or thin, the penis is the piece de resistance!  Let’s face it, the cock is one of the first things checked out and the ultimate focus of the lovers, and supernaturals have it all in spades!

So I’ve been thinking about how we as authors can extend the supernatural family — all with supernatural  pricks, of course – to include other beings that readers would enjoy.  I’m leaning towards the shifters, as they’re much more interesting and there may be two different cultures to create or adapt.   I’ve read about a phoenix, and I’ve seen Greek/mythological gods (as well as made-up gods, like the God of Traffic), the Minotaur, and the son of Medusa (who had the same issues with snakes and stone).   Then there are the twinky kittens, the virginal pups, and the newly-turned innocents, which don’t really appeal to me – I like them Alpha and manly.  Who else can we dream up?

And, to me, the ultimate question is, would you want to meet a supernatural being?  What type?  And would you sleep with a shifter in animal form?  I’ve seen both yes and no in different stories.  Does it gross you out?  Turn you on?  Let’s chat!

I’m giving away a $10 Dreamspinner Press gift certificate to the most unique idea for a supernatural being.

jonathan@jtreadway.com www.jtreadway.com

Changing Tides, published in Surfer Boys, edited by Neil Plakcy, published by Cleis