We can’t possibly do justice to this week’s theme without having a contest to find with the best and the worst euphemisms for “penis” that you’ve heard or read.

Purple-prose romances started the trend with quivering manhood and throbbing need and many many other forgettable phrases. Recently, gay and m/m fiction has made it okay to call a cock a cock. But there are still plenty of those ridiculous phrases kicking around–in our memories or in books that don’t take the risk of showing us what goes on behind those closed doors. Thankfully in our books, just about nothing happens behind closed doors. In fact it rarely even happens in bedrooms, and that’s exactly the way we like it!

Please leave a comment with your own entries and feel free to comment on the ones other people mention. I’ll attempt to edit this post keep up with the comments, but if we get too many it might not be possible. Later this week we’ll have a vote on the hottest and the most cringe-worthy phrases.

[WIN: Everyone who comments will be entered to win a copy of "A Heat.Seeking.Missile." by EM Lynley. Yup, I went there. ]

I’ll start off with one of my (least) favorites, baloney pony.  I hope never to see it used in a book or I’ll stop reading immediately. But on its own, it’s pretty damn funny.

My favorite word to use is “cock.” Probably no surprise given the title of this event! I’ve always liked the word–how it sounds, how it feels to say it. In fact, when I moved back to the US from London after grad school, my best friend organized my going-away party at a pub called The Cock. Now, it’s not quite as bad as it sounds…the pub across the street was called The Hen & Chicks. But I still liked the idea of how dirty the name seems on its own!

Click “MORE” to see the list!

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Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2009: 161,028

Hi guys! Ashlyn Kane here guest-blogging for my gracious host, EM Lynley. Happy Cocktoberfest, everybody! Have a sausage!

[Leave a comment on this post for a chance to win an e-book version of Bethany Brown & Ashlyn Kane's new novel Wild Angels]

I’m sort of new to this whole “getting paid to write about hot men having sex with each other” thing, but it’s pretty much the coolest job in the world. Well, getting paid to watch would actually be pretty awesome too, but anyway. I love my job, but sometimes—don’t tell anyone—I have problems writing The Sex.

As pretentious as it is to say it, as authors, we’ve got a duty to the story that we’re telling to tell it right, not to sugarcoat it, to give the characters a fair shake (tee hee). But as writers of erotic romance, well, let’s just say we’ve got a responsibility to the readers, as well, and readers like a steamy sex scene. At least, that’s my experience as a reader!

That’s where the conflict comes in. On the one hand, my duty to the story and characters says I gotta tell it like it is. On the other hand, as a reader and people-pleaser (pun fully intended), I want to write marathon sex scenes, dagnabbit! So when the characters are nervous, or inexperienced, or tired, or lazy, or, say, a little over-stimulated, what’s a girl to do?

It’s my job to satisfy the reader, not the characters’. Of course, that leads to a different problem—as they say, diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks. I know that for myself, as a reader, while I do love the fantasy sex—going for hours, unlimited erections, Tyrannosaurus Pricks and liters of bodily fluids (ok, maybe not that last one)—there’s a point where I take a step back and say, ‘Really? It was that big? Yeah, right.’ Not to mention that I’ve read more than a few titles that I felt were more about the sex than about the characters, and as much as I love me some hot man-on-man action, I do actually usually read for the plot! So what the readers want isn’t always different from what the characters need.

But where is the line? Is there even one? How can I weigh artistic integrity against my implicit promise to get the reader off? It should be no contest, right? The author’s first duty—which totally trumps ‘job’ on the obligation scale—is to the story. Of course, we can’t be authors if people don’t like our work, and everyone knows we’re feedback whores.

So speaking of—I gotta know. What’s too much fantasy for you guys to swallow?

Ashlyn Kane is a geeky 24-year-old with a sweet tooth and a sharp tongue. You can buy her work, including Wild Angels, the newest collaboration with Bethany Brown, from Dreamspinner Press here.

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2009: 161,028

UPDATED Nov 12:

I’m waiting to hear back from the authors on all of the prizes and will be posting here as I get the names.

I’ll post the winner of each day’s prize here. To give a sporting chance, I won’t choose a winner until the day after the post originally goes up. There will also be random winners selected from everyone who has commented on any Cocktoberfest post. More comments = more chances to win!

You have until Nov 15 to contact me at blog@ emlynley.com with your email address so I can send your prize. Do not leave your email address in this post for your own privacy.

Click “more” to see if you’re a winner! more…

Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2009: 161,028

Sadly, its the last day of Cocktoberfest but I’m sure the goodies offered here can be enjoyed for days to come. As one of the closing guest posters I decided to submit a short little teaser I wrote some time ago. I thought it was fitting to post a story only a day or two after Halloween that  involves a demon seducing a fallen angel. I hope you guys enjoy.

Find out what happens when the demon, Adormorn, visits a fallen angel named Nephi.

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Word Counts - Today: 0 | November: 0 | 2009: 161,028