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Chunky or Creamy

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It was just past midnight in Batmobile, a dark and rather dingy bar that had seen better days. Most of its patrons had also seen better days. Batcave might have been a more appropriate name, though even that was optimistic.

When Richie, a 20-something with a penchant for role playing, sashayed in along with his best friend Ted, all heads turned.

They sat at the bar and Ted ordered draft beers for both of them. They turned toward the dance floor and scoped out the scene.

"Fuck! What the hell is this?" Richie spit a mouthful of beer back into the glass, slammed it down on the bar and waved the bartender over. "Tastes like something I smelled once in Lagos. And not in a bar. Gimme a Bud Light."

"Sure thing," the bartender said apologetically as he chewed at a hangnail on his index finger. He popped open a bottle and slid it over to Richie.

Richie took a swig. "This isn't much better, but at least it won't add any pounds." He glanced down his body, sheathed in the essential black leather pants and a tight white t-shirt which proclaimed "I heart Schnauzers."

"Hi there." An Adam Lambert wannabe sidled up to Richie at the bar, blinking dramatically, the better to show off his eyeliner application skills.

"Hi back." Richie grinned. He loved Adam Lambert. He also loved eyeliner. This guy was the hottest thing in the place. "Wanna dance?"

"Sure."

Ted gave Richie a thumbs-up as he watched them head for the dance floor. Poor Ted had recently gone through a bad break-up and in the wake of his relationship failure, he was keeping a low, chaste profile, just going along to keep Richie company.

Thankfully the DJ was more talented than the either the interior decorator or the bartender and Richie and Adam shimmied, shook their booties and slid up and down each other in a manner that would have Richie's mom back in Iowa wringing her dishpan hands and sobbing.

Until Adam let out a sneeze that reverberated around the whole bar.

"I think I may be allergic to Schnauzers," he said sniffling forlornly and blinking again, this time trying to hold back tears that would certainly smudge his perfectly placed liner.

"I can fix that," Richie said. He pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it in Ted's direction.

Whoops of approval echoed around the room and Adam went back to getting up close and personal with Richie's bare chest.

After a few more songs, Richie made his move. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Sure," Adam said and blinked coquettishly.

Richie's heart and cock gave a little flutter. If this guy could fuck even half as well as he could apply make up, Richie was in for a helluva night.

"We should probably go to your place…mine's got Schnauzers…."

"Sure. I live nearby."

 

***

 

Adam's apartment was neat and clean. The living room smelled like the little tree air freshener Richie had hanging from the rear-view mirror in his car. He sniffed appreciatively as he settled onto Adam's couch where they started making out.

 

Before long Adam suggested they head into the bedroom and he stopped in the kitchen on the way. Richie lay down on the clean, comfortable bed and waited. Adam came in and proudly displayed a jar of peanut butter. He flashed a sexy grin at Richie and batted his artificially lengthened eyelashes a few times.

 

"Chunky or creamy?" Richie asked. Adam was practically Richie's dream guy, but this might be a deal breaker.

 

"Creamy, of course," Adam said with a giggle.

 

Richie heaved a sigh of relief. He'd once had a very unfortunate experience with chunky after a blind date. Never again, he vowed, and only bought creamy peanut butter ever since.

 

They licked peanut butter out of each other's navels and fucked like bunnies until they were both exhausted.

 

"Would you like to stay over?" Adam tickled one of Richie's nipples with a fluffy pink feather.

 

"Well…" Richie knew he had to walk the Schnauzers, but he could probably get Ted to do it for him.

 

"I'll make you breakfast and then we can lie in bed all day watching Lost DVD's….?" Adam's eyelashes went into overdrive. "I make a mean chicken pot pie."

 

Damn. Adam knew all of Ritchie's hot spots. Eyeliner, peanut butter, feathers, Lost, chicken pot pie.

 

"Skip Season 5, and you've got a deal."

 

The eyelashes shifted into warp speed and Richie pulled Adam close for a kiss. He'd never been happier. The only thing missing was Schnauzers. Nevertheless, with some antihistamines, Adam might really be the one, Richie thought wistfully as he drifted to sleep.

 

 

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